Vulnerability and True Love... thoughts from my journal

Vulnerability.

Either I like to torture myself - or - I am so confident in who I am that revealing a vulnerable side will only add to my awesome character.

Or... I enjoy laughing at myself. 

BINGO!!

I'm sorry, but it's true. Whenever I'm moping/depressed/overly-serious, I just access my many, many memories of Stupid Stuff I've Done and then try to control the bubbling hysterical amusement.

I don't recommend bursting into tears when offered a job*... in front of the hiring staff.  *shrug*  At least I haven't admitted it to anyone who really cares. (In this case, you don't count. My uncomfortable vulnerability will not affect your future. In a bad way, at least. I might inspire you to be "real", too, and then you'll find the love of your life and live happily ever after. You are so welcome.)

I have had a brilliant idea.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN TRUE LOVE?!  Do you?

I'm going to share my story as I made notes in my journal**. Today is February 2nd, right? 16 years ago on this day someone was brave enough to call the phone number I'd written down on a scrap of paper.

To be completely honest, I had planned on telling this guy "no" if he ever called me for a date. We didn't hang out in circles that intersected and this concerned me. Lol. In my mind, the ideal situation would involve running into someone in a group setting and getting to know them over time.

He called at 3:15, fifteen minutes before I got off work. Rather than ask me out on a date, he asked if I'd like to get together and read some of Acts (Bible) that night. It caught me off guard and startled a "Yes!" out of me. We met at the Lloyd Center mall at 5:00pm and he took me to a restaurant in the nearby Rose Quarter.

That night I wrote:

"I had a good time with J. He asked if I was nervous - and I am in a BIG way. I loved talking about God and we shared a little bit of testimony stuff... but it's just a big thing to date someone you don't know! I haven't thought much of being rejected. I would hate to reject him, but the thought of not rejecting... I mean, saying 'yes' terrifies me completely. I'm so nervous."

When he dropped me off at my car, I thanked him, "It's been awesome". His reply? "You're awesome."

It's a little hard to find the picture that explains how The Beginning felt for me. Not love, not enthusiasm, more like... tentative wow, like "I want to see you again", like "you are so interesting", and like "I only have butterflies for a stomach."

* Yes, I cried. Sheesh. I cry a lot in public. Nothing new there.

If you chose B) Plan a party for 400 people on the wrong date? You're right and HOW DID YOU KNOW?!  I mean, essentially I did not schedule the party on the wrong date, but I was the dingaling who looked over the contract so thoroughly I missed the bolded date at the top. And why was it bolded? 'Cause someone knew there was a chance we were planning on different dates, but didn't want to bring it up. Hence, I discovered it the morning of the party and had to inform 400 people: "Don't come today! The party's tomorrow!"  

Ayayayay...

It gets better. Oh, yes, I'm familiar with Vulnerability in all its glory!!

I'll let you choose again, 'cause I enjoy putting you on the spot:

A)  Did 58% of the attendees come down with the Noro Virus?

B)  Did only 27% of the attendees actually show up?

C)  Did I have to wear a silly elf hat on stage?

I'll make it easy this time... Two of those are correct. Lol. So you have 66% chance of guessing correctly.

** You do have a Journal, don't you?  Not a Daily Journal especially not a What I Did Today Journal, but a venting, emotional volcano journal***. Somewhere you can go and vomit all the emotions that build up and WILL SPILL OUT ON SOMEONE SOMEWHERE if they're not released.

You wanna puke that stuff on someone who loves you? Don't get me wrong... I share my in-most thoughts and feelings with my love, but he doesn't need all the chunks.  (Lol. Too visual? I'm grossing myself out.)  I spill privately, passionately, unreservedly first... sort through the mess and find the precious gems of What's Real and share the "best of" those.

Worst case scenario, you learn how to write emotionally. Best case scenario, you learn how to write emotionally AND you retain close friendships.  :-D  Maybe your emotions don't burn others alive. Maybe you need to set them free a little more.

*** I do take Journals as gifts since I go through them quite rapidly even though I write as small as Juliette****. Just let me know if you want my mailing address. I'll be needing a new Journal soon. :-)  Thx!

****  Reading Unravel Me. OMG I love it!!! I want to quote every. single. line.

Book Lover's Holiday Hop - Journal It!

Back by popular demand... 

...Journals & Things

Hosted by I Am a reader, Not a Writer & Chapter by Chapter

I love journals, etc.!!!

I recently wrote about my Journal-Craze and I got soooo much great feedback on "what a great, unique, creative" giveaway that I wanted to offer it again. I scoped out my favorite journals at Barnes & Noble. Have you seen 'em? There's some really amazingly beautiful ones with leather wraps and stuff.

My creations are a little homier. Lol. (Think "organic".) Happily for me, this is my favorite new look:  "homemade". I chose a blank sketch journal because it's nicer to write without lines. Who cares if it's crooked? If you're mad, you can scrawl big!!  :-D

 

As I got out supplies, I got to brainstorming bookmarks. Miki's creation got me looking at my fibers with new perspective, and the next thing you know, there was a craft-explosion in my kitchen. 

Every book reader should have a collection of Bookmarks.

The ones I made were so easy and fun. Since I got carried away... and since it's nearly Christmas... and since I am a hoarder and have more fibers and beads than I know what to do with... I want to offer a few things "for sale". Maybe I'll create an Etsy site later (if I learn the art of picture-taking), but for now, this is just for Colorimetry readers -

Get a few for yourself or have me send one to a book lover with a personal note from you - 

I am not charging a lot on purpose. Too many things are overpriced, nowadays, so I'm taking a stand for awesome gift-giving at reasonable prices!!  (If you think "awesome" applies in this case. That is debatable.) I have no idea what these would cost to ship, so payment is due after I get that info at the Post Office. I will mail as soon as I rec'v pymt via Paypal... or Amazon gift cards. Hehehe 

Gift Wrapping is available for an extra $1. My regular wrapping is recycled materials, so it's pretty cool already (if "cool" actually applies), and you can add a personal note for free.

Paperclip & Fibers Bookmarks!!  

 
I saw this idea with a standard paperclip & it just so happens I have these super-cute ones. Aren't they adorable?!  $2/ea + shp

Christmas Braided Bookmarks

 
I have 1 Tree & 2 Ornament embellished bookmarks - so, um, "limited supply". Lol. $4/ea + shp

Twisted Fiber Bookmarks:

 
These are my favorites. I love the earthy tones and the soft fibers. If I could give one of these to every book lover I know, I would be a happy camper. (I would also be done with twisting fibers for the rest of my days.) $5/ea + shp

Did you always want a Peacock Feather (Bookmark)?!

 

I love peacock feathers. My neighbors don't have their peacocks anymore, so these are a limited supply.  (Stop laughing, Vale. These are not my feathers. I mean, they're mine, they're just not mine. *rolls eyes* Whatever.) Since these are from a real bird, some are gorgeous and others are real bargains. :-D  $1 & up + shp  If you want one of the real long ones, the shipping will be spendier.

Journals:

 

Wrapped Journal with Psalm in the front cover $15 + Shp

(Under assembly)

3.5x5 in. Mini blank sketch Journal - $8 + Shp

(Also under Assembly)

 

Hardback blank sketch journal with personalized embellishments & colors $15 + shp

(Not this one... but similar-ish)

Swag Boxes - 

Every book lover needs a Treasure Box for collecting their Swag. :-D  Coming soon!! (Seriously... you will love this. I forgot to take a picture of my decoupage creation, but it's saweeet!!)

Email me with "Book Lover" in the subject to check availability & order!!  BurgandyIce(at)live(dot)com

Giveaway:

Winner to receive an assembly of All of the Above-ish: 

Special Requests honored if still available.

This is an international giveaway for book lovers everywhere. Must be of age, enter via Rafflecopter. See my Giveaway rules under the About tab.

I would like to require that the winner write in their Journal. But that's a little hard to follow up on. It's also very bossy. :-D

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Gratitude Journal Giveaway

What are you Grateful for?

Thx, Kathy @ I Am a Reader, Not a Writer!

What am I grateful for?

1st - My family. My husband and our kids. For so many reasons. Tonight - for making me laugh, for telling me not to be so serious.

2nd - Living Life. I want to lump all the joys and sorrows together in one, big mountain of... delicious things to write about.

Do you write in a diary of some kind? Or journal?

I write in a few Journals. "Diary" assumes daily notes, and I'm not that consistent or organized about anything. Journals, however, highlight major things. Here's some ideas:

Hoppy Easter Eggstravaganza Giveaway Hop

Hoppy giveaway brought to us 

by 

Once Upon a Twilight 

& 

I Am A Reader, Not A Writer....

I love Easter.

For one, the Semana Santa party-ers got the right idea, 'cause they skip out of town as of Wednesday/Thursday - heading to the BEACH - and the culmination is on Friday, when Jesus announced, "It is finished!" and they wind down on Sunday to return home and back to work. So, they're already celebrating. *jealous*

When we lived in Sonora (Mexico!), we drove two hours to an isolated fishing village on the Gulfo de California. Electricity wasn't even missed as we set up camps all along the beach, which was suddenly jamb-packed with people from the cities. We ate fresh fish cooked in those deep fryers (OMG so good!!) and begged boat rides off the residents. There was a mud pit full of 4-wheelers, tons of soda for sale, carted out in coolers with ice (water not-so-much). Such a huge campout!

My sister's heading to a waterfall, being too far from any beaches... she can't believe my kids are in school this week. Me, neither!!

I grew up attending a Sunrise Service on Sunday, however, since traditional churches in the USA focus on Sunday... "He is risen", "He is risen, indeed!"  I remember being woken up before dawn (painful!) on that special Sunday, dressing in my new adorable outfit of pink or purple complete with new hat and gloves and joining the congregation out on the school field on icy cold bleachers to catch the sunrise and listen to the Pastor (or rather not, unfortunately. I was just trying to sit upright 'cause the grass was a long way down!) And then walking over to the church for community breakfast. Yum!  Scrambled eggs, of course, and pancakes - tons of 'em!!

Naturally there was an Easter Egg Hunt #1 up at the grandparents in the afternoon complete with a baked ham. (Ham?!) Every year I rec'd a new plush bunny resulting in a frightful collection over the years.  Since this event was primarily about real eggs, which we had decorated over the week... we also had an Easter Egg Hunt #2 at home involving the chocolate variety!!  :-D  Gotta have all that chocolate!!  I would save my stash, as a kid, 'til Halloween (when I could replenish it) making my parents jealous with sudden splurges of Cadbury cream eggs, my favorite.

Now we give this experience to our kids... hiding chocolate in the living room for them to find and then driving out to my parent's house, so they can hunt eggs we decorate on Friday or Saturday.  We even make them dress up some.  We don't do the sunrise service, however, or party at the beach. *sigh*

I do attempt my funky version of the Passover. 'Cause Jesus ate Passover and it has the greatest, richest history of all the celebrations dating back to the children of Israel fleeing Egypt in Genesis. Just the idea of having a meal where every food means something is bad to the bone!!  There's salt water for tears, bitter herbs for slavery, a bone for the sacrificial lamb (or chicken!), eggs for new beginnings... I love it.  I get confused every year and some years we're so hungry by the time I get it on the table, we skip the "what's this cracker for?" bits, defeating the purpose, but I still love it.  I'll blog about if I pull it together this year.

Of all the holidays, this one feels the most serious to me. Sometimes it's easier to focus on the cute bunnies and decorated eggs... but I always have moments where I pause and think about how Jesus felt this day back then. What a horrible week he experienced. When the thoughts hit me, cualquier moment, I go with it. Rather than shove it away, I *pause* or tear up or just whisper "thank you". 'Cause sometimes celebrating feels wrong, but there isn't really a better alternative, either. It's not like we should mope or get depressed, you know? But what a mulit-layered holiday. Which is why I love Easter.

(Pictures courtesy of Pinterest!)

For this giveaway, you totally know I want your thoughts on Easter!!!

Do you have great Easter memories?  

Which traditions do you like best 
or want to keep up? 

Or not?!  

For this International Giveaway, there is a unique prize:

 * new Markings lined Journal to record your memories so you have more to share!!  It has a magnetic closure & vine-y script embossing - and it's red.

 * a peacock feather from the next door neighbor's peacock. I did not harm any birds to get it for you, they shed their feathers every fall for us lowly humans. This one's the right size to use as a bookmark!

 * Pro+ Bic easy-rollin' black pen. The right pen is essential for inspiration!!

 * Easter chocolate!  (Amount of chocolate depends on shipping. The chocolate pictured may not survive 'til the end of the giveaway. Negotiations to commence with winner!!)




To enter to win, you must follow Colorimetry - Thx!!!! - must be at least 13 (or know someone who is). See all my rules on the About Me Page. I will choose the winner randomly sometime after the giveaway ends. Winner will have 48 hours (or so) to get back to me after I get around to contacting them.

I look forward to your answer to my awesome question, as always, and I hope to publish some of them (of course!) If you comment, you are consenting to being published unless you say otherwise!